#altho my mom is a lunatic

[andthenhewentonliving]

Only read if you want to experience the wild ride I have been through today (or a portion of it) regarding my mother 

I found some emails from my mom this morning (well yesterday morning cause it’s after midnight but anyways) and there were several emails to my dad about this plan she contrived to trick me into hospitalizing myself. My ex fiance and brother and psychiatrist were all involved (although the psych ended up doing her job??????? she didn’t threaten to 10-13 me like my mom had asked her to in hopes that it would get me to go voluntarily and when my parents called her after the appointment she called me and asked if she could talk to them and I said no and that was the end of that). But my mom had planned it out for my ex fiance to literally steal my car so I couldn’t drive away and “escape” as my mom put it and my dad had turned off my phone (I remember my phone not working that day and it being weird but thought nothing of it) so I couldn’t call anyone else and my parents literally lied about the reason they were coming up to Statesboro literally so they could try to commit me because they think I’m delusional and crazy for coming out as a lesbian. Especially after, it turns out, my ex fiance lied his ass off about a bunch of shit that I supposedly did (but didn’t actually do) and so my mom now thinks I have a horrible substance abuse issue and then she turned around and fucking lied to like my entire family, family friends, SIBLINGS, and my godmother about what’s really going on which is that she’s upset that I’m gay and doesn’t want to have a gay child. And she wrote some really awful stuff about my girlfriend, too, and I just cannot get over how fucking angry this whole thing makes me. 

I was at my parents’ when I found them (obvs) and took pictures of a bunch of them, sent my mom an email from her own email (which she hasn’t seen yet clearly and the tense feeling I have before she sees it and everything explodes is going to make me scream) about how I had found them and was very upset and leaving and to not expect me for Christmas. Everyone else was at school cause both of my parents are educators and the three siblings still at home of course have school and what not. I had planned on staying until that night but I never want to set foot there again. Mostly, I never want to see my mom again. I never want to speak to her again; I never want to touch her or be near her again. Like I knew that me coming out was really hard for her and was willing to give her some time to let her just adjust and come to terms with it, but this was too far. My mom has not always been a great mom (especially once my teen years hit) and things just keep going downhill and now here we are. 

How do you admit that you don’t love your mom? 

I know I’m just angry and very, very hurt and need to give myself time for this to cool down. I’m honestly absolutely terrified that she’s going to do something like call the cops on me or call my job or something I just have no idea. I never thought she would do something crazy like that until I literally found the emails about her planning this very in depth “kidnapping” of sorts, as she put it and now there’s no telling what she might do. My dad must not have been totally on board with it because she told him in one of these emails (they must have talked about it in person and then solidified some of the details over email) that “It’s like planning a kidnapping...except it isn’t a kidnapping. We’re trying to save her life. Just tell yourself that.” okay what the fuck??? I’m literally just gay. And also it makes me super mad that the implication here is that my dad wasn’t on board with this and still went along with it because he does literally whatever my mom says. 

I’ve been thinking about this whole situation all day and I’m so angry and so terrified. I know that me revealing to my mom that I was snooping is going to start a whole cascade of issues. I know I’m not going to be able to see or talk to my siblings for a long time. It’s not that I don’t care. I do. I just could not continue to be a part of my mom’s life knowing that she not only thinks of me this way and literally schemed to try to get me put in the hospital for all the wrong reasons (I was not a danger to myself or anyone else and my meds did not need readjusting so dire that a hospital visit was necessary) but also my mom fucking said an incredible amount of awful shit about my girlfriend and that shit makes me seethe. My girlfriend has literally done nothing to anyone, they don’t know her and have never met her, and are literally basing all of these ludicrous assumptions about her based on lies and assumptions my ex fiance said and made about her. It all makes me want to just change my legal name and disappear from my family forever and become untraceable by them so that me and my girlfriend never have to worry about them again. Like some of the stuff my mom said was so absurd and just blatantly inaccurate that it was funny (like my mom in one of her emails mentioned something about her wearing a pink pantsuit that made her look like she was from the 70s but my girlfriend doesn’t even own a pink pantsuit??? although if she didn’t want one before, she definitely wants one now lmao we think that the pantsuit in question was my girlfriend’s red one but red and pink are not at all the same color and this particular pant suit is bright fucking red like there’s no way you could mistake it for pink in a million years). And then other stuff my mom said was literal garbage and just really shitty human being content. 

Ugh I’m so tired I’m going to bed